so for this poem I'm offering two versions. If you're so inclined would love to have you "comment" on which you prefer...Many thanks, and many blessings for all of you who continue to "follow" my flow...you can even offer your own third version if you'd like! MBB.
Miminalist version:
Seeing Snow Geese
You have crested these mountains
Entered the verdant valley
One-hundred times or more.
Still, the snow geese startle:
White psalmists in the sky.
More wordy (or more fulfilled?) version:
Seeing Snow Geese
You have crested these mountains
Entered the verdant valley
One Hundred times or more,
Still, the snow gees startle,
Resurrect your black-tipped longing,
Rise with your undulating heartbeat,
Strain to return to the source:
White psalmists in the sky.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
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i like them both!
ReplyDeletehugs...
in case you want my opinion, i like the first one best...
ReplyDeletealthough today I'm not so sure...they both have merits and detractors as far as I can tell!
ReplyDeleteHi Marcia--finally making it to your log--love this poem- the first one gets my vote!Ter
ReplyDeleteI like the first one as well
ReplyDeletei like the second one because it lets the reader in more on what's happening with the "you" in the story - there is more of a window to their experiences. (but i like the first one too) :) they both have lovely flow.
ReplyDelete