Deep Water Connections

I dreamt my friends had cancer:
Ovarian and lung.
They lived across the sea
And I tried to swim to them
Through breaking waves
Which the lifeguard had assured me
Would calm
As soon as I reached deeper water

Midway through the surf
I realized I had no addresses
Didn’t know where they lived.
Panicked and retreated
Knowing once I reached the other side
My efforts
Would be futile

Worse yet,
Back on dry land,
I learned
I’d lost my schedule
For the new naturopathic classes
I was supposed to attend;
An orientation organized,
All the pupils waiting.

In the hotel where we had gathered
I clambered cluttered rooms
Had to Search
And Disappoint,
Since without the numbered titles
No one knew
In which room I should begin.

I wonder when
I began to distrust
My inner lifeguard,
The surety that I
Would find my way
Through raging surf
To deep water connections,
That I could,
(Without prescriptive tools
Handed me by others)
Within my own knowing,
Release my healing ways.